A Hobbit's Guide to Protecting Your Peace This Holiday Season

The holiday season is a time for joy, celebration, and togetherness, but let’s be honest—it can also feel incredibly overwhelming. As a Professional Clinical Mental Health Counselor, I hear from clients about how the pressure to meet holiday expectations can leave them feeling drained. That’s where Christine Miserandino’s Spoon Theory comes in. If you're not familiar with it, Spoon Theory is a way to describe the limited energy that people with chronic conditions often experience. Each “spoon” represents a unit of energy for daily tasks, and once you run out, it’s tough to tackle anything else. This idea is especially relevant during the holidays, a time when demands and expectations seem to exponentially multiply. The key is to make sure you don’t run out of spoons before the celebrations even begin. And who better to inspire us in this journey than Hobbits? Hobbits live simple lives filled with connection and self-care. They take pleasure in the little things—sharing a meal, chatting with friends, or just enjoying a cozy evening at home. So, this holiday season, let’s channel our inner Hobbits and focus on what really matters while keeping our energy intact. Here are some friendly tips to help you preserve your spoons and prioritize self-care over those overwhelming holiday expectations: 1. Prioritize Self-Care Over Perfection The holidays often come with a hefty dose of perfectionism—everything has to be just right, from the perfect meal to the ideal gift. But here's the thing: perfection isn't the goal—connection and joy are. Embrace those little imperfections. If your holiday cookies turn out a bit wonky or your decorations aren’t Instagrammable, that’s perfectly fine! Think of the Hobbits from the Shire: their homes may be simple and cozy, but they’re filled with warmth, laughter, and community. 2. Set Boundaries Like a Ranger Setting boundaries is vital for preserving your spoons. Remember, it’s absolutely okay to say no. Channel your inner Aragorn and protect your boundaries like he protects the Fellowship. Whether it’s turning down another holiday party or limiting time spent with family, your well-being must come first. Sometimes, you just need to take a step back and recharge, much like Aragorn on his solitary patrols. 3. Plan Ahead and Delegate Planning ahead can help you navigate the whirlwind of holiday activities. Create a schedule that includes time for self-care, and don’t hesitate to delegate tasks. You don’t have to be everything to everyone.  Think about the Fellowship: each member has unique strengths that contribute to their journey. Let others help with decorating, cooking, or shopping. Sharing the load means you can save your energy for what really matters—enjoying the season. 4. Embrace Mindfulness and Gratitude In the chaos of the holidays, take a moment to practice mindfulness and gratitude. These practices help ground you and enhance your experience of the season. Mindfulness:  Being present can ease stress and heighten your enjoyment. Try simple mindfulness exercises—focus on your breath, soak in the sounds and smells around you, or savor a holiday treat. When your thoughts drift to your to-do list or past mishaps, gently guide your focus back to the moment. Think of Frodo and Sam during their journey to Mordor, finding strength in those small, beautiful moments amidst the struggle. Gratitude:  Shifting your focus to what you have rather than what you lack can be transformative. Keep a gratitude journal, jotting down three things you’re thankful for each day. These could be as simple as a cozy cup of coffee or a kind word from a friend. This practice can really boost your mood and help you appreciate the season’s little joys, much like Bilbo Baggins cherishing his home, friends, and adventures. 5. Accept and Honor Your Emotions The holidays can stir up a mix of emotions—joy, sadness, you name it. Honor what you’re feeling without judgment. It’s completely okay to grieve, miss loved ones, or feel lonely. Emotions are part of the human experience. Frodo teaches us the value of acknowledging and embracing our feelings instead of pushing them away. Accepting your emotions allows them to pass naturally, reducing their intensity and impact on your well-being. 6. Protect Your Peace by Limiting Social Media Social media can create a false sense of inadequacy during the holidays, with everyone showcasing their picture-perfect celebrations. Give yourself permission to limit your time on social media. Remember, what you see online is often a highlight reel, not the full picture. Like Frodo using the One Ring wisely, step back from the digital world and focus on your real experiences. Set boundaries around social media use; designate specific times for checking your feeds to avoid the mindless scrolling that drains your energy. 7. Focus on Time with Loved Ones of Your Choosing The holidays should be about reconnecting with those you love, but it’s important to choose your interactions wisely. Spend time with people who uplift and support you—those who recharge your spoons rather than deplete them. Just like the bonds in the Fellowship of the Ring, focus on relationships that bring joy and strength. If certain gatherings feel draining rather than fulfilling, it’s perfectly okay to limit your time at those events or even skip them altogether. 8. Create New Traditions If old traditions feel more draining than enjoyable, think about creating new ones that fit your current needs and energy levels. Whether it’s a cozy night in with a good book, a movie marathon, or a winter hike, new traditions can bring a refreshing sense of joy. Remember how the Hobbits celebrate in their simple yet meaningful ways, forging traditions that resonate with their happiness. 9. Empower Yourself by Saying No Saying no is a powerful tool for preserving your spoons. Embrace the strength that comes with recognizing that you don’t have to attend every event or fulfill every request. Like Gandalf standing firm against the Balrog, stand your ground in your decisions. Saying no to additional commitments frees up time for what truly matters to you. Prioritizing your well-being over others' expectations is not only okay—it’s essential. 10. Be Authentic and True to Yourself With all the external expectations that come with the holidays, like being cheerful and participating in every tradition, it’s completely okay to be authentic and true to yourself. Protecting your peace means being honest about what you can handle and what brings you joy. Just as Frodo and Sam stayed true to their mission against overwhelming odds, you can stay true to your values and needs. If something doesn’t feel right or adds stress, give yourself permission to opt out. Authenticity brings genuine joy and peace far more than trying to meet every external expectation. Final Thoughts The holiday season doesn’t have to deplete your spoons. By prioritizing self-care, setting boundaries, planning ahead, practicing mindfulness and gratitude, honoring your emotions, protecting your peace, focusing on meaningful relationships, creating new traditions, and embracing your authenticity, you can navigate this time with more ease and enjoyment. Give yourself permission to let go of perfection and focus on what truly matters—your well-being and the connections you cherish. May your journey through the holiday season be as resilient and hopeful as the Fellowship’s quest to protect Middle-earth. Lisa McVann, MA, LPCC, NCC, has over fifteen years of clinical experience in inpatient psychiatric care, hospital emergency departments, public schools, and private practice. Passionate about neurodiversity and LGBTQIA+ affirming counseling, she integrates mindfulness and trauma-informed care into her eclectic approach. Lisa is particularly focused on supporting individuals facing perinatal mental health challenges, career and economic stressors, chronic pain and illness, relational boundaries, anger, and identity or self-esteem issues. As a faculty member at NMSU, she educates and mentors students in Counseling and Community Psychology, supporting their transition from academia to real-world professional experience. Lisa also provides local and statewide professional training on ethical competencies, self-care, compassion fatigue, and burnout.