Everyone Needs a Bobby: The Therapist’s Role as Co-Regulator and Guardian of Boundaries

The Quietest Character in K‑Pop Demon Hunters Might Be the Most Therapeutic

If you’ve seen K‑Pop Demon Hunters, you know it’s packed with spectacle - intense battles, bold choreography, and music that hits deep emotional notes. The girl group HUNTR/X dazzles onscreen while secretly fighting off demonic forces.

But behind all that intensity is Bobby.

He doesn’t sing. He doesn’t fight. He doesn’t sparkle. But he’s the reason they stay grounded. And from a clinical lens, he’s one of the best representations of co-regulation and emotional safety we’ve seen in animation in a long time.

What Bobby Does (That Most Clinicians Will Recognize Immediately)

Let’s talk about the invisible work - the subtle skills that therapists use every day.

Bobby isn’t the center of the story, but he’s the nervous system outside the storm. He:

• Shows up early

• Notices changes in affect before others do

• Adjusts his tone, proximity, and pace to match the emotional state of the group

• Brings in care (food, rest, eye contact) before it's requested

• And when needed, steps in firmly to hold boundaries

This is the therapeutic relationship in action, not in theory, but in lived presence. He’s modeling what secure attachment and protective attunement look like in real time.

“Bobby brings the snacks, but he also brings the structure.”

Holding Emotional Safety and Boundaries at the Same Time

Often, therapists are trained to focus on warmth and responsiveness. But emotional safety also includes firmness. Bobby doesn’t just validate feelings; he actively holds the group’s energy by setting limits, adjusting expectations, and saying “That’s enough” when it’s clear someone is overwhelmed.

This matters in play therapy too, especially with teens who don’t yet know how to articulate their limits. Bobby notices what’s unspoken and protects without shaming.

He’s a living example of the Therapeutic Power of Play: therapist–child relationship, emotional modulation, and insight.

Clinical Applications: How to Bring Bobby Into Your Work

🧩 Play Therapy Prompts:

• “Who in your life helps you slow down without making you feel bad about it?”

• “What would it look like if someone protected your energy when you couldn’t say no?”

• In sandtray or expressive arts: Build your backstage crew, who helps you hold it together, and who tells you when it’s time to rest?

  
  

🌱 For the Therapist:

• Where do you hold space like Bobby?

• Where might you be over-functioning instead of co-regulating?

• Are you helping your clients build their internal Bobby or are you trying to be the hero?

  
  

Being Bobby Isn’t Passive, It’s Powerful

It takes strength to watch, stay grounded, and move only when the moment calls for it. It takes clinical insight to regulate a room without controlling it. It takes heart to care for someone without expecting to be seen for it.

“Being Bobby isn’t about getting credit. It’s about building safety.”

What We Teach When We Teach Clients to Look for Their Bobby

When we help clients imagine their internal cast of characters - whether through narrative therapy, play, or expressive arts - we often go straight to the fighter, the protector, the bold self.

But what about the part that steadies? What about the quiet one who brings us water, calls us out gently, and walks us off the stage when we’re about to break?

Let’s help our clients build that character too. Let’s teach them to value the Bobby in others and in themselves.

In a world of spotlight healing, be the backstage support. Everyone needs a Bobby. And sometimes, being the Bobby is the most therapeutic thing we do.

If you want more ideas of how to turn this cultural phenomenon into a powerful clinical tool, do check out our KPop Demon Hunter: Healing in Harmony webinar series coming up this August!

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A self-described geek, Maria Laquerre-Diego is a CEO and Owner who is committed to increasing access to mental health services and breaking down the stigma surrounding therapy services. As a therapist turned CEO, Maria has developed a unique perspective when it comes to mental health and the barriers surrounding mental health treatment. Influenced by her time at New Mexico State University in the Family and Consumer Science department, and University of New Hampshire’s Marriage and Family Therapy department, Maria has turned her dedication to giving back and supporting future generations of therapists. In addition to supporting mental health providers, Maria takes an active role in addressing the continued stigma of mental health services through the use of pop culture – everything from movies and television shows to superheroes and Disney characters. Maria has spoken about mental health at several local events, has served as an officer on professional boards and has provided training to clinicians all over the country while maintaining her and her family’s roots as Aggies! Outside of the office, Maria can be found spending time with her family and loved ones, exploring the world through travel, and creating cosplays for herself, her husband and their two little ones. Maria is always happy to talk about Star Wars, Marvel and mental health and can be contacted through her practice website www.anewhopetc.org